Having to share during visits means having to interact during visits . Never want to see your child again? Outfit their room with a television, computer, or both according to David Walsh, Ph.D., and bestselling author of "Why Do They Act That Way?" Put the computer and television in shared spaces and you’ll be communicating whether you like it or not. They’ll comment on your increase of grey hair, you’ll notice they grew three inches and now need jeans. They’ll pretend this time together means nothing. You’ll know it means everything.

Over designing your child’s room won’t compensate for being unavailable to them . Neither will over scheduling their time with activities outside of it because you feel their room is not what you’d prefer. Everyone needs some downtime in the space they call their room and most daydreaming is done oblivious to its wall color – though if painting, let them help choose.

Separate bedrooms for all may not be affordable but separate "spaces" are. Finding or creating nooks, crannies and enclaves to form physically private spaces is especially necessary in mixed gender situations. Beds surrounded by curtains, floor to ceiling roller blinds, sliding screens and pocket doors all create partitions of privacy which can work full or part time; depending upon whether it’s a daily situation or one doing double duty, yet on a part-time basis.

Why waste time and money recreating past lives in your current reality? Though a few cherished items are wise, watch as resistance makes room for new ideas to emerge from the ashes of transition. So, if your child’s visits involve living from a backpack, why obsess over an unnecessary bureau when you can hang a hook and giggle about the additional floor space it leaves for their yoga instead?

Eliminate the motel mentality by having the same or similar chores at each home and stick to them. If this responsibility means rolling up a sleeping bag to store it at one place and making a bed in a room at another, the responsibility must be consistent.  As Brenda Rodstrom of Stepfamily Dynamics says, "Doing certain chores together is especially important for weekend parents, who have a tendency to let kids sit on the sofa with a remote."

Remember, though, they might still be happiest just knowing you’re somewhere nearby… preferably with food. Greta Goss, Allied Member, ASID, njasid.org